The sun is out and the skies are blue…there is no snow today but it is a cold February day here. The sun is so bright on the snow that you must wear sunglasses or be unable to see much when you get back indoors. The schools are still closed and many roads are still impassable. While all this winter weather was going on we had to make some difficult decisions. For those of you who are not on Facebook and haven’t been following there, Mom was just not able to endure any more dialysis treatments and they were stopped as of Tuesday.

  The  blessings involved are that mom is not aware of how very sick she is or that her days here with us will soon end. She is not in pain and won’t be in pain. She will slowly drift away from us into a coma state and leave peacefully. I am so grateful for that. It has been a long road this past 14 months, full of hospitalizations, and procedures and many hours sitting getting treatments. WHY would she want to go ahead with these at her age because… “I am not ready to go yet!” she told us very emphatically. It was her wish to continue and so she did.  I made sure that whatever she wanted, that made her happiest that we would do just that. She spent many hours going through circle the words books because “It keeps my mind busy.” We spent time outdoors and in the car traveling the roads and seeing the sights. We ate the forbidden foods like fried chicken and ice cream and had fun knowing we were breaking the rules of her strict diet. She spent time with her two grandchildren and loved every minute of it. I was so glad that she was alert and able to do that.   

Having three surgeries in one month last month took its toll on her. She was just unable to bounce back the way she had done in months past. So now she will be with us only a very short time longer.

I AM SO GRATEFUL for all the support and caring thoughts and prayers of all the blog community.. It is just so wonderful to know that we both have so many people who care so much..



18 responses »

  1. Oh dear… big hugs all the way from Texas. I’ve been there, where you are, and it breaks my heart for you and her. I am so glad that you’re getting this good bye time where you can give her big doses of love and make her last days the best days you can….

    My love to you and your mom… you are both in my prayers…

  2. One thing is sure: you can never say that you’ve not gone above and beyond the call of duty in this situation and shown tremendous love and care for your mom. I am so thankful for the testimony this has been. I know it’s been a challenge because it’s all too close to home as I’ve told you we have cared for all of our grandparents until the day they passed. Juli is quite right in that you will be in prayer…that will simply not cease. Grace, grace, grace to you and your mother. God bless you guys!

  3. Oh Carol, I’m so sorry to read this, but your mom has been such a fighter for so long and her body just can’t do it any longer. You know I’ll be thinking and praying for all of you. Hugs

  4. Even on the days that you may have not felt like you were doing anything… or enough (and we all know how very dedicated you have been to your mother), your presence sends an important message to your mom – that she is loved!!

  5. You have reminded me of something that I read a little while ago… “To get up in the morning only to know
    that you will have to face another obstacle takes strength. To smile when the only thing you want to do is cry takes bravery. To act happy & laugh when you know
    that times are at their worst takes courage. To be joyous when the only good news is the best of the bad news takes support. To be there & help others through
    the roughest times in life takes love.
    Please take comfort in knowing that you have the compassion and support of so many people.

  6. Carol, Sis, dear friend. My heart is hurting so much while I am reading this and my eyes are filled with tears. It is so hard to let a loved one go, even when we know it is the best thing to do. You and your mom are always in my prayers. You know Sis, God always has room for another angel.


  7. I had to take a few minutes before I could write anything. My heart is breaking and I can hardly see through tears Carol. This brought back a flood of memories and I just want to hug you. Having been through the same I know how hard this is and will be for weeks and years to come.
    You have taken such good care of your mom and to be with her in the end is something not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do. She’s tired and it’s time to let her rest. God’s garden will soon have another beautiful rose.
    God bless and be with you and your sister and mom. Love you and am sending prayers to give you even more strength to get through all you need too right now. xoxo

  8. I’m sorry to hear this, Beth. I’m glad that you got to spend time with her doing the things she liked and I’m sure it means a lot to her.

    When my dad passed away we all knew it was just a matter of time but when it did happen it was very sudden and I never got to say good bye. It was so sudden, in fact, that I was still looking for a parking place while Frankie and Mom went in to see him. Just as I was walking up to the door of the hospice they came back out. When they entered his room Frankie took his hand and said “Papa, I’m here.” He nodded his head, took a breath and passed away.

  9. Carol, I’m so sorry to read this and echo what everyone else has said before me. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make this easier for you but of course there isn’t. Please know that my thoughts are with you and your Mom during this difficult time. Big big hug (((((Carol)))))

  10. Oh Carol, I’m just speechless. For as long as I’ve known you, your mom has been at the center of most of your blogs and updates and stories. I feel like I know her as well as you.

    I’m so very glad you will have this time with her. God bless you both — and know my thoughts are with you and your family.


  11. well, good thing ive been reading lots of blogs lately and was interested about any stories about dialysis patients… reading your story makes me want to say, i know how it feels… although thats already said enough by people who does not really know what to say once they encountered someone who has that kind of a situation… well, my dad died from cancer for about a year already and my moms battling dialysis, so , whats in it for me? Faith and Love. all I want now is to show my strong faith and my true love for my mom and the family… Let our heartbeats speak for our actions…. Live life and love. GOD BLESS THE FAMILY!

  12. Hope, peace, strength, faith.. I wish all these for you and your mother, and even more. And, I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you lately. I am reminded of you as I go through my day and I smile. One of my wishes is that you too can find something to smile about during your days. If I could, I`d give you and your mother mine!

  13. I have followed your sad journey with your mother and she is constantly in my thoughts when my computer comes to life , I realize just how much spaces friends mean and how close we get to our friends without ever meeting , your mum is one special friend to me.
    Much love to your mum and you all.
    Ian aka Emu

  14. Caroldee, I just read your post on facebook and I wanted to offer my love and condolences. My heart and prayers are with you.

  15. ☆☆ Big hugs to you Carol. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. You have my very deepest sympathy. Your mother was such a lovely person and so active and vibrant… as much as she could be. I want you to know that I share in your grief. I hope that the outpouring of sympathy you are receiving is some consolation at this very sad time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. ☆☆

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